So you may have gathered by now that I like travelling. A lot. But there are lots of things that can
make even the calmest person a bit tetchy when travelling, no matter how long or short your haul. If you
have a tendency to switch to ‘tourist brain‘ the minute you step outside your house, then this list is aimed
at you.  If I can convert just one person to change their habits, my work here is done.

Boarding

Stay out the way of the boarding gate until your row is boarding. Milling around next to the desk is
not going to get you on faster and just frustrates folk who are trying to get past – not to mention the
crew announcing the boarding procedure, who you’re clearly not
listening to. It’s not a race and you’re not going to miss your flight. Calm the fudge down.

Backpacks

Backpacks and rucksacks are super useful, but not when you’re in a crowded space not looking
where or who you’re bashing. Play nice and employ a little backpack etiquette when you’re moving around
people. Or put it on your front – you may feel and look very stupid, but at least it’s no longer anyone
else’s responsibility to play dodge the bag.

Liquids

C’mon people, the liquids rule was introduced nearly a decade ago and yet every time I go through
security I’m behind people who have massive bottles of alcohol, perfume, suncream or bath soak in their
bags.  You’d think I could make an exception if you haven’t travelled for over 10 years, but
even then there are masses of signs telling you what to do!  Get with it and prepare for security
(or you don’t have the right to get narky with the nice security person when they take it off you).
Remember: no bigger than 100ml, containers must fit comfortably in ONE plastic bag (20cm x 20xm) and you
must show it at security. Bosh.  Why not do everyone a favour and familiarise yourself with the full rules.

Moving along

This one applies mostly to trains and tubes during rush hour. Why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why-oh-why are people
not just able to move along into the carriage, even if they are getting off at the next stop. Guess
what? So am I but I’m left standing on the b*stard platform because you’re blocking the door! Here’s an
idea; move along where there’s space, let people in and, I know it’s a bit crazy, but say “excuse me”
when you need to get off! Wow.

Overhead lockers

I was recently told by a fellow passenger “you can’t put your bag in the overhead locker, as it’ll squash
my laptop”. I’m sorry, what?!  If you have something fragile then perhaps you should have made some
special arrangements for it or, if your brain power permits, hang on until everyone has put their stuff
in and let your precious cargo squash everyone else’s cabin bags.  I also overheard a passenger
(man 1) telling another passenger (man 2) to put take his bag out of the locker and put it under the
seat in front, so man 1 could put his bag in the locker instead. What the actual..?

Personal Space

Respect your seat neighbour’s personal space. On a recent flight to Dallas, Mr Southsea Wanderer had an
unnaturally hairy man next to him, who insisted on rubbing his upper arm against his and reading Mr SW’s
book over his shoulder, making comments on the content. Luckily he is less tetchy than me and managed
not to explode over the 10 hours. Keep yourself to yourself and no one will get hurt.

Politeness

Just because you’re a bit stressed out or tired from the process that is travelling, it doesn’t mean
you’re excused if you take a holiday from your manners. The nice people working for airports, airlines,
train companies etc. all deserve pleases and thank yous for making your journey as hassle-free as
possible.

Reclining

We’ve all seen the recent uproar about the new devices that you can get to stop the seat in front of you
reclining – let me tell you where I stand on this. I am totally for reclining and I’ll
probably get a lot of backlash for this. My reasoning is this: You pay for a seat, not a space. You
also do not know what condition the person in front of you is in – perhaps they have back issues,
perhaps they haven’t slept for the last 48 hours due to some drama or other, perhaps they travel for a
living and this is their only chance to rest. Or they just deserve a comfortable chuffing journey! I get
it – reclining isn’t fun for tall people and when the seat is so jerky, you spill your complimentary
vino – but take that up with the airline and not the passenger that’s paid for the thing they’re sitting
in.

Seatbacks

I’m pretty sure most of you are able to stand up unaided, using the power of your legs. They why, WHY, do
you suddenly need to start levering yourself up using the seat in front of you just because you’re
travelling on a bus, train or a plane? My seat; jolting me out of whatever restful state I took
ages to reach. You’ve got arm rests, use them.

Trolleys

Do you really think I want to move your discarded trolley out the way so I get to the check in desk? No.
You went and got it, so you should put it back where it goes. Or at the very least, leave it to the side
and not in everyone’s way. I bet you’re the sort of person who leaves your pants on the floor for your
mother to put away, aren’t you?

Wheeled cases

We all love a wheely case but some people don’t know how to handle them properly. Top tip: don’t drag
them behind you without paying attention to what it’s hitting, rolling over or who’s way it’s getting
in. And if you’re going to suddenly stop, spare a thought for those walking behind you. See Backpacks
above: think about a bit of case management and respect for others.

X-ray trays

Please do not give me tray rage; just return your security tray like the nice sign tells you to.

 

 What do you hate about travelling? Leave your top tips for other travellers in the comments
below…